So I have this lovely TV with a ton of less than useless software in the form of Chinese and Indian apps I will never use if I live to be 1000. How can we remove these absurd things? Is there any way to root Android TVs? I've been searching all over the internet and can't find a tutorial anywhere, but someone must have done this. No?
Unfortunately you can disable it delete the crap apps they are paid to bundle - like Yipp - total junk.
Is there a way to root the system with a complete wipe?
There is no way. All hope is lost.
Your only recourse is to buy a Shield TV or similar and pretend the built-in Android TV doesn't exist (you would soon find it to be underpowered and bug-riddled anyway).
You can try to disable these apps. Go Settings -> App -> Select the App you want to disable -> Force close + disable and check if you can disable the noticifation for this app in the same menu.